FOR SALE: Rottweiler puppies. Eat anything and are fond of children.
FOR SALE: Used toilet. Won’t flush but good for a potted plant holder.
FOR SALE: Slightly used dentures. Only two teeth missing.
FOR SALE: Used tombstone. Perfect for someone named Johnny Boy “Chubby Possum” Boudreaux.
Job Ads
HELP WANTED: 4-year old teacher needed for morning preschool. Experience required.
HELP WANTED: Technician for dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
HELP WANTED: Person to take care of cow that does not drink or smoke.
HELP WANTED: Need captain to run shrimp boat. Must be at least 18 years old. 20 years experience required.
HELP WANTED: Need nanny for 5-year old. Must be able to make ketchup sandwiches and get Sharpie ink off of anything, including 5-year old.
Personals
MAN SEEKING WOMAN: Unemployed, future NASCAR driver looking for sexy woman who knows how to handle a high-powered engine. Good credit and a steady job are pluses.
WOMAN SEEKING MAN: Active senior woman looking for Bingo companion and more. Those without a Viagra prescription need not reply.
MAN SEEKING WOMAN: Handsome, smart ruff neck looking for woman who looks like Angelina Jolie and is interested in bedroom visits when I’m not offshore. All my shots are up to date. P.S. Don’t tell my wife, Big Rhonda Trahan. She was the state Roman Greco Wrestling champion in high school.
WOMAN SEEKING MAN: Recently divorced woman looking for man for fishing partner. Must come with boat as I lost mine in the divorce. Send picture of boat.
WOMAN SEEKING MAN: Tall busty Cajun woman seeking man who grabbed my butt at the Swamp Bar last weekend. I slapped you but that was only because my husband was there. He goes offshore tomorrow. Meet me at the bar Friday night.