Stolen Eyeglasses Recovered

Last Thursday, Adele Monroe reported her good pair of eye glasses had been stolen. She last remembered them sitting on the kitchen table next to a bottle of Sinful Ladies Society cough syrup and a bowl of gunpowder, neither of which were stolen along with the glasses, which we found odd at the time. We’re happy to report that the glasses were located Sunday morning, safe and sound on Adele’s head, where she’d put them when she went outside to shoot a raccoon that was allegedly trying to steal her lawn mower. No lawn mowers were hurt in the shooting.